


Maybe it’s a Problem.

by lettuce172



Category: The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton
Genre: Gen, warning for guns, warning for mentions of death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:01:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29655858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lettuce172/pseuds/lettuce172
Summary: When Dallas believes Johnny died, he can’t handle it. Even so, he’s caught in time, just before he does something he can’t undo.
Relationships: sort of jally
Kudos: 8





	Maybe it’s a Problem.

**Author's Note:**

> Note the warnings.

I rushed to the hospital with Pony, Johnny wasn’t doing well when I left earlier. I knew Johnny would want to see Ponyboy before he died, and I wanted to see him before he died, too. People were yelling at us, probably because we were running through a hospital and pushing past them, but I didn’t care. I had to see Johnny. After what really was too long, we saw the door to his room.

We tried to go in, we had to, but some doctor stepped in front of us. “I’m sorry, boys, but you can’t go in there right now. He’s not in the right condition to see anyone,” the doctor told us. 

“We gotta see him,” my voice shook, no, I just demanded it. I wasn’t weak like that. Remembering Two-Bit’s blade, I pulled it out and pointed it towards him. “We’re gonna see him, and if you give me any static you’ll end up on your own operatin’ table.”

He didn’t even flinch. “You can see him, but it’s because you’re friends, not that knife of yours.” It had to be the blade, who would change their mind like that without it? 

We went inside Johnny’s hospital room. I’d been in here too much lately. It was silent, too silent, I didn’t like it. Johnny wasn’t moving, either. “Johnnycake?” I asked, my voice wavering as I did. I didn’t get a reply, there wasn’t any noise at all. ‘What if we’re too late?’ I couldn’t help but think. 

“Dal?” It was Johnny. Man, did he sound bad. He sounded weak, but at least he was alive. Knowing that alone was a huge win to me, I really thought he had died before I could see him. 

I knelt down next to his hospital bed. “Yeah, Johnny. It’s me, and Pony’s here too,” I told him. “The doc said you ain’t doing too good. He said you’re not supposed to see anyone, but we got in. I don’t care what those doctors say, you ain’t dying and that’s that, you got it? I ain’t letting some burns get the best of you,” I rambled. I knew I sounded all over the place, but I was. I also knew I must’ve sounded crazy, acting like I could control his future, saying he wouldn’t die now. Just by looking at the kid I could see how wrong I was, not to mention when he talked it barely made a sound. 

“Thanks, Dally, I mean it,” Johnny managed to get out. He groaned in pain, that happened almost any time he tried to move now. I think that’s a big part of why he doesn’t, it hurts. “Hey, Ponyboy, come here,” he instructed. Pony listened and leaned in so he could hear Johnny better. “Stay gold, Ponyboy, stay gold,” he whispered before closing his eyes and falling into his pillow. He looked dead, I think he was dead. 

Pony was crying, I think. Either that or he was really close to it. “Come on, Johnny, don’t die. You can’t die, not now,” my voice sounded like I could be crying. Was I? “Johnny, you’re only sixteen, kid. You know you’re too young, man. You know you shouldn’t have gone back in that church. You know this is too soon to die. Come on, just, just do something, man. Just open your eyes a little, or lift your hand up just a little bit,” I begged. I’ll admit it this time, I was begging. I had to, my closest pal out of all of Tulsa could be dead. 

“Dally, it’s no use,” Ponyboy said. “He’s dead and we both know it,” his voice was shaking, too. He kept looking at Johnny, Pony was barely even moving. I knew he was right, Johnny was gone, anyone could see that. 

Johnny was gone. He was really dead. As soon as that reality sunk in, I left the room. I started picking up speed until I was running, I didn’t want anyone seeing me. I was crying, and I wasn’t proud of it. I’m not sure where I was going, I just knew I couldn’t stay in the hospital room with Johnny. Well, Johnny’s body, Johnny was gone. I knew that. 

I got into the car I brought and started speeding to my part of town. I had my mind on one thing, death. I knew I wanted to die, what else was there to live for? If good people like Johnny couldn’t live, why should I? Johnny should’ve lived, he didn’t deserve to die. The newspapers were right, he was a hero, but if that’s what happens to heroes, why would anyone in their right mind want to be a hero? Plus, if that’s what happens to heroes, what does that mean for hoods like me? 

I stopped the car outside of a store, it was part of my plan. I had to say something with how I died. I had to show everyone that hoods can be ruined, too. I’d tell everyone that Greasers cared about people, why else would the toughest one around die because his pal did? I decided I’d rob a store, get chased down for a while by the cops, and then pull out my heater so they’d shoot me. I guess I was saying something that way, too. The cops wouldn’t care that it wasn’t loaded, I knew that they’d jump at the chance to kill me. Their job would be easier if I died, I’m probably half of their problems. 

I started to follow the steps I had made. I got inside, but instead of going straight to the counter, I looked at some magazines. I knew if Johnny were alive he would’ve told me not to do this, that it wasn’t worth it. He was a smart kid like that. I had to face it, though. Johnny wasn’t here to tell me it wasn’t worth it, there wasn’t anyone here to stop me. 

The guy at the counter, I think he owned the store, I don’t know, started talking to me. I didn’t really care what he was saying, honestly it just sounded like another sound around here. All I knew was that I didn’t want to hear it anymore, I didn’t like it. I was mad, I don’t think I was mad at him, though. That didn’t matter, I projected all of it onto him so I could take it out. 

Without thinking, I pulled out my heater and headed for him. “Give me the money,” I demanded. He seemed frozen, so I pressed my gun right up next to his face. “Give me the money,” I repeated, much more firmly this time. I was actually almost yelling. I must’ve gotten to him, because he grabbed all the cash from the drawer and gave it to me. 

I was about to run out, but I saw the guys outside. They were calling for me and looking around, but Steve saw me through the window. I heard him call for the rest of them to come over, and they did. They all stood outside, except Darry, he actually came inside. I have to admit, he looked scarier than normal, maybe because he looked even angrier than he usually did. 

“I’m sorry if Dally was being a disturbance,” Darry apologized to the man. After that, he turned to me. “Steve said he saw you take his money, Dal. Give it back,” Darry instructed me. I wasn’t sure of what I was doing to begin with, so I hesitantly set all of the bills down on the counter. He took the heater that was shaking in my hand, he must not have wanted me to have it. 

I watched as he put it in his pocket. I was starting to fidget from not having it. It didn’t feel safe without it, even if I couldn’t actually shoot anything with it. I thought of the Two-Bit’s blade that was in my back pocket, but I figured if I took it out Darry would take that, too. “Wait, what are you guys doing anyways?” I asked. I was still shaken up from Johnny dying, but I don’t think I told any of them that I was doing anything. 

“Ponyboy called from the hospital. Said something about you freaking out after Johnny died and you ran out. He told us you might be doing something you’ll regret, but this doesn’t seem very new,” he answered. I almost forgot I left Pony at the hospital. 

Almost as if he were on queue, Pony ran in, seeming out of breath. “Dally,” he panted. “Johnny, he uh, he wants to see you,” he took a break to breath. He was leaning against a shelf for a break. “He didn’t die, Dal. He just passed out, the nurse said it’s stress or something, I don’t know, I wasn’t listening really. He woke back up, he was asking where you went. He said he remembered you asking him not to die. It must’ve gotten through.”

“He’s,” I started, but my thoughts cut me off. I was silent for a little longer, but only a second or two. “He’s alive?” I asked. I couldn’t imagine that Pony was lying, he knew that if he lied to me I’d get him back for it. Plus, if he was lying, he was really good at it, and I don’t think Pony had that in him. 

Ponyboy nodded. “Yeah, he’s alive and doing just fine. Just go to the hospital, okay? He keeps asking for you and he seems worried or something.” I didn’t stay around any longer, I just bolted for the car and started to go to the hospital. I was speeding, more than normal, too. 

I didn’t stop at any stop signs, so it wasn’t long before I saw the building. I pulled in the parking lot and hopped out almost before I had even parked. I wasn’t thinking about anything like being safe around that car, the only thing I was thinking was that Johnny wasn’t dead. Well, I was thinking two things. That Johnny wasn’t dead, and that he wanted to see me out of all the people. 

For the second time today I was pushing past everyone in the hospital. I still didn’t care that they yelled, I didn’t care at all this time. Johnny’s room was right in front of me, but I stopped. ‘What are you doing?’ I asked myself. I actually wasn’t quite sure. I had just done so much to rush myself here, but now I stood in front of the door, staring into what seemed like nothing. 

‘Just go in, you’ve seen Johnny before. It doesn’t matter,’ I told myself. ‘He could’ve died, Dallas, and all you did was cry and try to get yourself killed. You can’t face him again. He makes you feel too much. He makes you feel more than a hood should ever feel. It’s not right to talk to him, or even see him. Just leave before you get more attached. Dallas, you can’t care for him. It’s not good for you, you know what happened last time you had someone like this,’ I countered my own thoughts. Still, that last part was reminding me of too much. 

I squeezed my eyes shut for a few seconds and took a deep breath, trying to shove all of that down. Before I let myself drown in my thoughts, I walked into Johnny’s room. “Johnny?” I tried to get his attention as I made my way to the side of his bed. 

“Dally? Gee, Dal, you had me scared. Pony told me you left after I passed out, he said you seemed real upset. I knew you had your heater on you, too, and I didn’t know what you were goin’ to do. I know you don’t think too much when you’re upset, you just do things, I thought you were going to get yourself into trouble,” Johnny spoke. All I did was listen. “Why’d you go, anyways? I heard you saying all those things about me before I went completely out. I thought you would’ve stayed a little longer like Ponyboy did.”

I sighed. I wasn’t sure how to answer his question. I could tell him the truth about why I left, but then I’d sound crazy and weak. Then I realized, if he does die soon, I’ll feel bad if I don’t tell him. “Well after you died, well after I thought you died, I wasn’t sure what to do. I didn’t really want to stay around here since it would remind me of you and how I manage to lose just about everything, but I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I could’ve gone to New York again or something, but I figured it wouldn’t be worth the headache. Plus, I’ll be able to be charged as an adult soon and I get into a lot of trouble in the city. So, I thought the next best thing would be to just die. I didn’t want to be plain, though, so I went to get myself killed. I had a whole plan, I was going to rob a store to get the fuzz after me, then, I was going to act like I’d shoot them, and I’d die from them. I thought they’d shoot me for sure. Actually, they probably would have if I wasn’t stopped before I could even leave the store.”

“Dally,” Johnny paused, “you were going to die just because I wasn’t around anymore?” he asked. There was a brief silence, but I nodded. “Why did you think that made sense?”

I took a second to think about that. “I guess I just thought it’d be fair. If the world would take someone out for helping some kids, like a hero, then why should some no good Greaser be living?” I told him. “Okay, maybe I sort of thought I’d miss you being around. It’s just not the same with the other guys, Johnny. I mean, sure they’re fun to hang around with, but it’s not the same. They’re not like you, man. There’s just something about you, like you get what I’m going through. I don’t know, that probably sounds stupid. I just thought if you were gone I’d really be alone. I mean, I’d still have the gang and Tim, maybe Buck, but you know, I’d still feel alone. Just like I did in New York.”

“Dal, I get where you were coming from, I just, I don’t think you were thinking right. If you died I would be sad, yeah, but I wouldn’t go and kill myself,” Johnny told me. I guess we just don’t think the same. “Dally, tell me, honestly, are you okay?”

I didn’t say anything for a while. What was I even supposed to say to that? Of course I was okay, I was Dallas Winston. Why would he ask anyways? I’m obviously not bothered so it shouldn’t matter. Who asks someone if they’re okay?

“Dallas?” he tried to get my attention again. I focused on him again, I hadn’t even realized that I zoned out. “Will you answer my question? You don’t have to say much, just a yes or no. Dally, if it’s a no you don’t have to be worried. Really, I expect a no. You were about to get yourself killed, Dallas.”

I ran my fingers through my hair. “Maybe I’m not, Johnny, but what’s it matter? I’m tough, so I’ll get over it,” I told him. 

“Dally, you know you can’t think like that. Well, I hope you know you can’t think like that. If you aren’t okay you have to tell someone, even just me, like you just did, and you did great with it. I want to help you, Dally, I don’t want you going and getting yourself killed when someone like me dies,” Johnny said. I guess it made me feel a little better to say it, but still, now I seemed weak. Dallas Winston isn’t supposed to be weak. 

“Yeah, I know. I just, I don’t know. I guess I always knew that you were the one keeping me here. Even if that was just around Tulsa. I think if you weren’t here or if your parents took care of you I would’ve left almost as soon as I came, but I saw something in you, kid, it reminded me of myself. So I thought I’d stick around, you know, make sure you stayed safe, make sure you ate everyday, watch you grow up and become a good guy,” I explained. “Every time you did something good, man, I’d be proud of you. I guess I was proud that even though you went through so much it was possible to be a good guy.”

Johnny was smiling, and I think I even saw something sparkle in his eyes. “You were proud of me, Dally?”

“Of course I was, kid. Every day,” I answered. “You always did so good in life, I don’t know how you do it. It’s like no matter what happens, you could find something to do and you tried to make it better. You never cared what it was. If you thought it was the right thing to do, you did it.”

“Hey, Dal? You know what would make me real proud?” he asked. It seemed like he had a plan, but I wasn’t sure what. Honestly, if I could do something that could actually make him proud, I would. I wanted him to feel what I did every time he helped someone or tried to make things better. He deserves to know what that’s like. 

“What would make you proud, Johnny?” 

“If you tried to get help. Even if you just talk to someone in the gang every once in a while. I just think you should get out of the idea that you’re living because I am. When I die, I think you should keep living. It’s really a problem if you’d die because I did. I don’t know if you think it’s a problem or not, but I know it is. So, do you think you can do that? For me?”

I thought for a second. He was right, I knew that. I shouldn’t have been that dependent on his life. I knew that even though it was all just in the heat of the moment, I shouldn’t have gone out in search of dying. I just wasn’t thinking straight. “Yeah, I think I can. I’ll try.”


End file.
